Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
