when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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