sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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