stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
