cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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