I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
