I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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