When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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