yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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