We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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