Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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