I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The uberlube is also flammable
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
