Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
