I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
