We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
