the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No subtext here. People are naked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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