Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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