Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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