At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
