Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
