if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
