I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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