Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
