why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
