So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
