how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
