First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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