hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
