1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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