Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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