I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
