You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
