omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
