I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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