I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
