did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
