I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
