Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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