a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
