I CAN MOONWALK!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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