i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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