We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
