i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
