Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize