help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
