She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
