Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
