How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm always down for nudity.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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