God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
