i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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