I accidentally burped into my bong.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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