marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
