I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
