Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
