So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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