What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
