guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
