it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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