I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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