Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
