Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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