I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
