Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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