she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
